OnFire #312 More Stressful than I Thought

OnFire Encouragement Letter

OnFire #312 More Stressful than I Thought

I wrote a couple weeks ago about our kitchen renovation. It is almost finished. The flooring guy comes Friday, and the parts to install our dishwasher should come any day, so we are almost finished. From start to finish, we have moved a heating pipe into a wall, upgraded our kitchen electrical circuits and moved the stove plug, repaired wall board, fixed damaged ceiling, primed and painted, and installed cabinets, counter, and over-stove microwave.

Our place is slowly getting back to normal. For a while I couldn’t tell if we were living through a renovation, or an episode of “Hoarders.” We had stuff everywhere.

We had help from a friend. It was great that Dan could come and we had a great visit as well.

Something I don’t understand after the whole experience. This was way more stressful than I thought it would be. I don’t even know why it was so stressful. It went along relatively smoothly with few surprises, good help,  etc.  But it was.

I know some of the factors. We only had our friend’s help for just so long. Little things held us up at times, like moving outlets, and that was frustrating.  Our space and routines were disturbed. We could hardly move around the house without stepping over, around, or on something. The tension of making decisions, which I knew would delay the project, but had to be done anyway. On and on.  I suppose if you’ve been through this before, there is no surprise here.  I’ve worked on other people’s renovations before, but this was my own, and it was different. Much more stressful than I thought it would be.

Well, it’s almost over, and most things are put away. Looking back, I see some actions and attitudes which helped, and some others which probably added to the stress. Let me share these things with you, as I think you’ll agree there are broader lessons for the rest of life.

This won’t last forever.

As these things go, it was a short reno;  they can last weeks and months, so I don’t want to whine too much. Even still, I found this thought a source of comfort.  Indeed, most situations don’t last forever. It won’t always be this way is another way to express this thought.

Getting snippy doesn’t help.

Apparently I get more directive under stress, and I forget my please and thank you’s. That’s the kinder version of  what Jan told me, at least. Backing off, waiting to answer, exercising patience – all these things help make stressful situations go a lot better. Its one thing to have stress, but I don’t need to be a carrier.

Pray for God’s peace.

Ironically, on the Sunday before most of the work, I preached from Philippians 4:6 -7 on God’s peace:  

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”*

I found myself reminded about my own words many times during the week, and prayed about my own stress (anxiety).  I would have been much worse without prayer.

Its probably not as big as you think.

Every reno brings problems, issues and decisions, and ours was no exception.  Taken together, they seemed huge. But  one by one, and with a little time to think about them, they were more manageable and less intimidating.  Most problems appear larger than they really are.

It’s time to call in some help.

We originally planned to put down the vinyl floor on our own. I have done some basic floors, and I thought between me and Dan we could figure it out. But when Dan wasn’t so sure, I took another look, and realized it was beyond our abilities.  That’s when we decided we needed an expert.  This was a good decision. There are times when we would do better to admit we don’t know.

There is no going back.

A few times I found myself thinking, “Maybe we could have salvaged the old cabinets.”  That wasn’t realistic. Plus, once we started the demolition, it was impossible to restore the kitchen. The only way to finish successfully was to keep going on. In the mess of things, it is easy to glorify the past, as if going back was an option. God’s best for us is in the future, not behind us.

It will be worth it in the end.

There was no way to install a new kitchen without creating a mess. But it was worth it, and thankfully we understood this from the beginning. It helped. By keeping the goal in mind, it was easier to press on.

These are some thoughts that helped us over the past few weeks. There are certainly more pressing issues in life than our temporary renovation, but perhaps you’ll agree that there are parallels to some of life’s other troubles.

Blessings, and hope this helps. Be on fire.

Troy

OnFire is a letter on faith and character written by Troy Dennis. This letter published Mar 13, 2014. Troy is the Pastor of Next Generations and Connections at Highfield Baptist Church, Moncton NB Canada. *New International Version, 1984. To subscribe or reply, email onfireletter@gmail.com. Blog located at www.onfireletter.blogspot.com

OnFire #272 Rusty Hinges and Kindness

OnFire Encouragement Letter
OnFire #272 Rusty Hinges and Kindness

We live in a 70 year-old-house with lots of character, which simply means there are lots of things which need to be fixed. A few weeks ago I realized that I had become so accustomed to the creaky hinges that I could actually recognize the sound of each door. The bathroom made one noise, our bedroom another, and each of the bedrooms made their own distinct sounds. It astonished me, first of all, that I had become so used to this, and second, that it took me until now to do something about it. And, that it was such a simple thing to oil the hinges. Such a little thing - a few drops of oil and a few minutes, and the doors were swinging silently.

We can be like those hinges. Sometimes we get a little creaky, and we don’t even realize it, but kindness is the oil on the hinges of our relationships. It doesn’t take much, and a little goes a long way.

Scripture is littered with reminders to be kind. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

From this and other passages we see that kindness means to love each other, show compassion, and even extend forgiveness. Our motivation ought to be gratitude: that we are kind because we realize that God was kind to us.

The word for “kind” in Greek is an interesting one, and it shows up in interesting places:

“For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30)

The word translated as “easy” is actually the same word for kind. We could read, “My yoke is *kind.*” The yoke was a wooden beam placed across the shoulders of work animals so that they could pull an implement behind like a cart or plow. It had to be carved and formed with care or it would chafe and cut. Jesus promised to be kind and to do the heavy spiritual pulling in our lives.

This helps us understand kindness better. Kindness is about easing the burden in other people’s lives. When people come away from us, are they lighter or heavier in spirit? Do we chafe them, rubbing them the wrong way, or do we treat them “easily” ? Kindness is more than an act. It is our mannerism, the words and tone we use, the words we don’t use, our patience, how well we listen.

As I prepared this material for a sermon I preached last week, I began to see that some of my relationships had grown a little creaky. I needed to apply a little oil of kindness. It doesn’t take much time, and a little goes a long way.

I hope this helps. Be on fire.

Troy
OnFire is a bi-weekly letter on faith and character written by Troy Dennis. Troy is the Pastor of Family Ministries at Highfield Baptist Church, Moncton NB Canada. This letter published Jan 20, 2012. To subscribe or reply, email onfireletter@gmail.com. Archives are located at www.onfireletter.com. Blog located at www.onfireletter.blogspot.com.